Der Kaiser has arrived

I'm not talking about Jan Ullrich, though if the UPS guy were to drop off 'big Jan' on my doorstep that would be pretty damn cool too. I've always been a Jan fan, and secretly hold out hope that he'll make a comeback to cycling. Heck, if Lance, Tyler, Floyd, and Ivan can come back, why not Jan?

No, I'm talking about the Renn Kaiser. If there's one thing triathletes love, it's toys. Coffee and toys- but mostly toys. And if the toys actually make you go faster, so much the better. What better way to go faster on the bike than with a disc wheel. Disc wheels have many virtues, not the least of which is the awesome 'whump, whump, whump' sound they make as you're riding so other athletes can hear you coming and fear you as you pass them. (that presumes that I can actually manage to pass someone, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it). Disc wheels also look cool in transition and during warm-ups. This wheel, however, is extra special 'cause it's silver. Let's all say it together. Aaaahhhhh! Ooooohhhhh! Thank you. Yes, it's not your ordinary black disc wheel- it's silver. Why? I dunno. I'm sure there's a good explanation for why Renn chose to make this wheel silver, but what I DO know is that it stands out, even among a sea of disc wheels. Slap that baby on a silver bike and you've got yourself some serious bling, and everyone knows that bike bling is worth at least 5 minutes off the bike split in a half IM.
Then you add the name- the Kaiser. The name evokes images of Jan Ullrich making his poor TT bike cry under the extreme power he put out. Knowing I've got "Der Kaiser" on my side will be a huge confidence boost come race day. Other athletes will fear me and cower in the presence of my mighty silver wheel. Some will even pack up and go home before the race starts because their soul will be defeated.
The best part is that Renn doesn't even make the Kaiser any more, so all those poseurs that will invariably rush out to copy me will be SOL. Yes, that's right- this is one rare bird. The mightly silver Kaiser wheel that can only be found in the darkest corners of that fabled Triathlon forum, Slowtwitch. (OK, yes, I bought it used off some guy for a great price through the Slowtwitch classifieds). So, as I continue my training and preparation for my return to triathlon, I now carry the quiet reassurance and secret confidence of having Der Kaiser on my side.